Define "Sheer"

Every actor has a funny/horrific story (probably several) to tell about a role he's played, or an audition she's attended, or various antics at cast parties... Well, this would be my own "interesting" story.

Ever since college, I’ve wanted to play a vampire. They’re dark, they’re sexy, and they have amazing physics-defying action scenes. Come on – what could be better?

So about 5 years ago, I auditioned for the lead vampiress in an independent film. I studied this part, boned up on my vampire lore, and I even wore a role-appropriate dark red and black, deep V-cut top which I paired with my tightest black pants and heels (of course) to the audition. I got the role. I was so excited and blown away.

Right after that, the director sent me the first couple of scenes from the script (which was still in development). It was very well written and had me totally captivated and wanting to read what happened next. This was going to be a very cool movie.

So at my first cast meeting, I got to talking with the director (who was equally excited about me playing the role) and he wanted to discuss wardrobe for the part. Excellent. So he starts by telling me that for one of the scenes he’s picturing my character in a sheer top and leather pants. "Sheer is okay, right?" he said to me. Immediately, my mind flashed to my then 3 year-old daughter who may or may not follow in my acting footsteps (or at the very least will be dating someday). So I said to him, "Define ‘sheer’."

Well he went into this explanation of how there would be little rosettes or pieces of lace covering the "appropriate" spots, but that it’s pretty sheer. Modesty is now taking over my brain and I said, "Could we modify it slightly or have me wearing a sexy black bra underneath or something?" He said no, he’s pretty set on the look for the main character. Unfortunately, that pretty much took me out of the lead role.

I got an e-mail the next week from the director saying he wanted me to be the second in command to the lead vampiress. Okay – still good without the wardrobe drama, right? Well, he started telling me that the wardrobe for this role centered around me riding a motorcycle wearing a tight leather jacket and again, the tight leather pants. There was only one catch to the leather jacket – nothing was underneath it. And it was to be worn open (again covering the necessary parts). It could be "taped" of course so the jacket wouldn’t fly open. After a bit of consideration, I decided that I could probably do that (it would, after all, be covering more than the "sheer" top, technically).

After another week, the director sent me a contract to sign. I thought it was a basic talent waiver, but after reading several of the pages, I realized right away that I couldn’t possibly sign it. The language was very vague and convoluted. At one point in the contract, it was worded in such a way that could have been interpreted as the talent paying the director for being in the production. He was trying to say that he would try to pay talent if the film were ever sold and distributed, but the wording was all backwards, and very easily could have held the talent responsible for any fees related to the distribution of the film.

So I called the director to ask him a few questions about the contract and to see if I could have my lawyer (who was a friend of mine) take a look at it and make some slight adjustments so I would not have any problems signing it. He said I could but he would still review any changes we made. No problem.

Then he wanted to talk with me about special contacts to make my eyes look "vampirish". I had never worn contacts before, but he assured me he had a great ophthalmologist to make sure they fit correctly. Okay, so I’m still game.

Then he started to talk with me about nude body casts. Yes, you read that right. He wanted to have several nude complete body casts made of me. Six to be exact. Of course, I asked why he would need such a thing, and so many of them. He said that they would need them for the scene where I am exposed to sunlight and burst into flames (ensuring a vampire’s demise) and that they would have to do several takes.

He started going into the description of how the body casts are made, and as he’s talking, several thoughts flew through my mind all at once. First, would I be able to sit completely still for the 4 hours or so he said it took the plaster to dry for each of the six body casts? Secondly, how could they know what position I would be in when I am set ablaze if we haven’t shot the scene yet? And thirdly, "Seriously???" Could this role get any weirder (or contain any more implied nudity)?

I told him I’d do some research on the body cast process and think it over. Several days later, I received an e-mail from the director saying that the funding had fallen through and all signed contracts were now null and void. Guess I no longer had to make any more wardrobe decisions…

In a way, I was pretty disappointed. It was a role I had always wanted to play, but it just wasn’t worth the personal cost. I’m still curious to know if the writer ever finished his script, because that, at least was really good.

I’d still like to try my hand at playing a vampire, so if you ever have need of a lead vampiress, you know where to find me.